...Into The Void

Creating this blog, and then making a deal with  myself that I'm going to commit to it, is something I equate with standing in a room by myself, naked. Technically I'm all alone, but my innate reaction is to try and cover myself anyway, for fear of who might see me. Writing has always been something private for me. Even when it was just an essay or paper, the only eyes I wanted on it were the teacher's and my own. I never had any respect or use for Writer's Workshop - to me they were just a nuisance. As a result, there are knots in my stomach even as I type, and this is my second draft of the first post in two days. (Yeah...just a tad bit of anxiety going on.) But when making a decision about going to the gym, my mother has always said that when you want to do it the least, that's the best time to go. Pressing beyond both yourself and the emotion increases the satisfaction. So this is me, starting up the treadmill.

This has actually been several months in the making. I went to see a therapist who told me to start a blog. I smiled it off instantly, while saying to myself, "Yeah right, who in the world is gonna want to read that?" and not being sure if I'd even want anyone to. But enough time has passed for me to realize that my audience, aside from an ever-supportive mother and God, is not so much the point. I have a writer's heart, with the mind to match, and I think I got so wrapped up in life this past year, that I abandoned that. So this is my chance to get back, and take a minute to look at myself instead of all that surrounds me. I'm not sure what will come of it from day to day, but I'm thinking that's a part of the fun.

In You've Got Mail, there's a scene where Meg Ryan is writing an email to Tom Hanks, but really having more of a conversation with herself. "I don't really want an answer," she says. "I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void." And as my life is one constant stream of film quotes and lyrics, those words are how I choose to see Reverse Peephole. But should others want to join in the ride, maybe my nakedness will serve as a conversation piece, or I'll at least grow to feel more comfortable in it. Either way, I'm in the room.

"...goodnight dear void."

Goodnight Dear Void...(video link)