Due Time vs. My Time

 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34, NIV

When I'm watching a movie, I like to know the ending before it happens. If I'm with someone who's seen it, I beg them to tell me what's going to happen. If I'm alone, I Google it, searching for a site that will give me the specific details, start to finish.

If I have a craving for something, I want it right then and there, or soon thereafter. I'll drive across town for the key lime cupcake or ice cream cone. No problem.

If I get the urge to write something down, I have to do it right away (even if it cuts into my study time for a big important test that's just days away...as is the case right now).

Point is, I'm not a very patient person. I sometimes pretend to be, and I can recognize when a situation calls for the particular virtue, but that doesn't mean I like it.

These days I'm feeling incredibly impatient. It's like my life is the destination for the family vacation, and I'm the kid in the backseat of the station wagon shouting, "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet?!"

The ball is moving on my transition back to Chicago, which is a blessing, but I would love to just be there already. Snap my fingers, click my ruby-slipper clad heels together, wrinkle my nose - whatever it takes to put me there, here and now. I think about my apartment. How much I'm gonna love decorating it, cooking in it, walking around naked (don't act like you don't do it). About my new job. Getting up and driving down Lakeshore or downtown every morning. Complaining with the general population when winter comes back around and it's freezing, but secretly smiling to myself and loving every blistering cold, wind chilled minute of it. I even fondly think about missing my mother and brother to the point of heartache, because I'm there and not home and can't see them everyday.

I think about the future with me in law school and being a lawyer. I'm not afraid of the hard work it will take to add that "Esq" to the end of my title, but I want it now. I'm studying for the LSAT and wrapping my brain around logic games and Kaplan strategies, but I'd love to pound a gavel and be magically seated in the first row of a torts class, handling a cold call and absorbing tons of knowledge or representing a client in my awesome power suits.

I think about guys...guy...singular...at the moment, I suppose. You XYs are a headache, and this topic could be an entry in and of itself. So I won't go there. I'll just say that I spend a lot of time saying "I'll just have to see what happens," but wishing I could just know, right now. How something will turn out. Hoping it works out. That I'm making the right decisions. So on and so forth. It's crazy.

I know that there's some level of freedom and beauty in the unknown. That's essentially what my last two years have been about, but that time hasn't erased the itch I've always had for immediate answers. I know myself and that patience is not one of my innate qualities. And sometimes it would just be nice to know, or have or be, right way. 

Instant gratification is not an option for everything, this I know. And I'd like to believe that some of the more rewarding things in life come in time. So as with everything else I write on here, *cue broken record* this is something I'm working on.