Making Me Crazy

"But maybe I'm crazy,

Maybe you're crazy,

Maybe we're crazy,

Probably." - Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"

Because I'm not always so into tradition or protocol, we'll start off with the moral of the story: Good people of the void, don't insult your people's intelligence by feeding them bullsh*t. If they're smart and actually know you, they'll see through it and be offended. And if they're actually dumb or just don't know you well enough to fall for it, and you know this and take advantage of it, you lose an infinite number of cool points.

Recently had a conversation with a friend. The conversation revealed something rather important to me about how he sees me, especially in comparison to how I see him. He wasn't trying to be hurtful, just his usual upfront self, but what he said hurt. A lot. Every now and then, someone will say something to me and I'll get the sensation that I've just been sucker punched in the stomach. The wind is knocked out of me. I'm a little nauseous. (I tend to not let that many people in, so it doesn't happen all that often. I'm thinking that if I did, the shock value would decrease, but that's an issue for another day). But yeah, he punched me in the stomach. The conversation reached a halt very soon after. On my end, I couldn't very well be doubled over AND still be an active participant. And he knew. (Oke used to tell me all the time that you can't get a read for emotion through text messaging or online communication. I didn't believe that then, and I still don't now. When you talk to someone all the time, you begin to get a feel for them and their moods, even if there are many miles and various electronic devices between you. Plus, I'm not all that good at masking my feelings, so figuring out that somethin ain't quite right isn't calculus. [Calculus and I, or numbers in any format for that matter and I, have never been very close.]) So like I said, he knew. He usually does. So maybe that's why he stopped talking in return.

This kept on for almost two days. Not a significant amount of time under normal circumstances, but umm, we talk to each other like we get paid to do so, so yeah, it was strange. I was still a little nauseous, but I couldn't take it anymore, so I spoke up. I'm know I'm changing because I used to be Queen of the Freeze Out. Once one of my oldest friends had done something to really piss me off. I didn't speak to her for six months. Charge it to growth and maturity and all those other words that mean you're less screwed up than you used to be, but for the life of me, I just can't do it anymore. I LOATHE conflict. I'd rather lose face and be the one to speak, then to exist in some space where there's some underlying problem or general weirdness. I can't decide if that particular newfound quality is something I hate or love. Anyway, his silence puzzled me. Wasn't I the offended party? When I asked as much, it was met with "shock." Or at least what was supposed to be shock. I even got an "Excuse Me?" AND a denial of having done anything wrong. And then he was ready to just carry on, per usual.

C'mon son.

Didn't I say that I grew up in dysfunction on steroids? You think I don't know what crazy making is when I see it? Hear it? Smell it from 800 miles away? Puhleaze. I'm pretty sure I'm related to the man who invented it.

Now granted this is the wateriest of severely watered down crazy making cases, but still. Don't do me like I'm making it all up in my head. That your decision to not speak for two days was a mere coincidence and you got just super busy. I don't believe in those kinds of coincidences. And I don't particularly care for them being passed off as such either. Before it was just a sucker punch. This was a slap. And I've got a pretty good face. I can't afford to be hit in it.

So like I said, don't insult your people's intelligence. If they are actually even somewhat in tune with who you are, it won't work. And if they aren't, it's just triflin. Be upfront. Tell the truth...all the time...not just when it's convenient or easy.

Love them, but the fellas make my head hurt sometimes.